@salmarch79: Whenever my wife forces me to write my own message on a bday card, I write it on top of her's and copy exactly what she wrote.
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@_MStJohn: If you wanna be my lover - I'm listening You gotta get with my friends - ....I'm listening
@DothTheDoth: Dream home requirements: 1.) a secret passage behind a bookcase 2.) the thing that will kill me lives just beyond the tree line.
@XplodingUnicorn: Door-to-door Christian guy: Have you heard the greatest story ever told? Me: Definitely. I love Star Wars.
@ElleOhHell: "We're a completely paperless office." Wow, that's really cool. [Later, staring at iPad dispenser in bathroom] Well this sucks.