@iGreenMonk: Whenever my wife sing, i open up my room windows so the neighbors don't think I'm beating her.
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@BoozeWallet: I point my gun at the bank teller and order him to fill my bag with cash but he struggles because the bag is already full of tacos.
@druuuck: NASA : we were wrong , there ARE 9 planets in the Solar System PLUTO: I'm back, baby! NASA: because we found a new one! PLUTO: SON OF A
@LorieGZ: Me: I hope you pee your pants, teach you not to hold it in! My daughter: You shouldn't wish for that..you're the one that does the laundry!