@hotdogsladies: Whenever our neighbor's dog is barking, I know there's either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
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@ProudFFAalumni: Instead of accusing me of eating your leftover pie, ask yourself why you had any left to begin with, quitter *said thru a mouthful of pie*
@DaddyJew: Your mom doesn't understand Your dad doesn't understand Your friends don't understand But french fries, french fries understand you
@causticbob: When the doctor told me I only had six months to live, I killed him violently with his own pencil. Worked a treat. Got me twenty years.