@UnicornSyrup: Whenever people say "anything is possible", I think about trying to staple pudding to a tree.
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@JermHimselfish: Do you think Lil' Wayne went to the tattoo parlor and said "Make my face look like an 8th grade girls trapper keeper"?
@shkeeber: Potatoes are just poor defenseless vodka fetuses. Remeber that the next time you eat a french fry or hash browns, you monsters.
@MsNitnots: Girl in front of me on the bus just sent a text that was like a novel and the response was like a word and now even I'm pissed off about it.
@MommaUnfiltered: My husband still talks about that one time he loaded the dishwasher correctly like it's going to get our kids into Harvard.