@TheCiscoKidder: Whenever somebody asks me what my hobby is, there is a long uncomfortable pause and then I back away until I can't see them anymore.
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@Book_Krazy: New neighbor: Hi. It's nice to meet you. Me: It's nice to meet you too. This is my daughter, 9 Neighbor: What's your Twitter @ Me: DAMMIT
@SteelFontana: Bad: Getting bit by a spider... Worse: ...inside your mouth... Worst: ...while making out with someone.
@bossy_bootz: Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce