@HallpassCanada: Whenever someone asks how i'm doing & walks away before i answer..I write "GREAT" on the side of thier car with my keys!
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@Reverend_Scott: DOG 911: what's your emer- DOG: MY HUMAN SAID "WALK" WHILE TALKING DOG 911: so? DOG: WE NEVER WENT FOR A WALK DOG 911: OMG DOG: OMG
@Owl_Meat: [In a cucumber submarine] 1st mate: *inspecting leak* we're taking on saltwater captain Cptn: hm yes looks like we're in quite the pickle
@murrman5: [kidnapper hands wife phone] "brent" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED