@HallpassCanada: Whenever someone asks how i'm doing & walks away before i answer..I write "GREAT" on the side of thier car with my keys!
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@Sickayduh: [Ring] "Expert Namer Guy" You the dude that named anteater? "Yep" I got a bug. Not moving. Has wings though. "Mayfly" *muffled* oh he's good
@mommy_cusses: She was murdered by the toddler. In the bathroom. With his hundredth question. -Parent version of Clue
@iGreenMonk: *Neighbor text - Sorry for using your wife. Use only when you're not at home* *Shoots Wife* *Neighbor text again - I mean 'Wifi' not wife*
@MoneypennyNaked: 20: Roll out of bed looking like a model 30: Blush, brush hair & go 40: Blowout, perfume, push-up bra, mani, Spanx, facial, plaster of Paris