@HallpassCanada: Whenever someone asks how i'm doing & walks away before i answer..I write "GREAT" on the side of thier car with my keys!
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@DaddyJew: Gf: come over Me: can't, playing the new call of duty Gf: my parents are out of town Me: you're 30 years old, grow up
@thongbeard: Just texted her "thanks for choking on me" I meant "checking" but kinda curious what the response is gonna be.
@Gooooats: I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and it told me I have Gary Busey.
@UnFitz: My body is a temple. My mind is a comedy club. My apartment is a landfill. My car is a fast food restaurant. I could do this all day.