@WilliamAder: Whenever someone jokingly replies, "Blocked," I laugh and laugh and then go check.
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@gerryhallcomedy: Cop: Sir, you can't use hand-held communication devices while driving Me: [trying to hide ouija board] What are you talking about?
@MrsRupertPupkin: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can cry when the girl you used to babysit gets engaged before you do.
@TheReal_AndyMac: Money can't buy you happiness. But it can buy you burritos and a Slip N' Slide. So you do the math.