@tacsanitchiban: Whenever someone says "let's get weird" my first thought is "I'm already there"
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@eudaimonium: Those who carry teensy cute purses shouldn't throw stones at those who wear cargo shorts, because I can carry more stones.
@thebeavs: When God was handing out obstacles I thought he said popsicles and said I'll take one of each variety.
@juliussharpe: Roadside motels are a good place to stay if you haven't decided yet whether you want to kill someone or be killed.
@EJGomez: [interrupts pastor] but jesus was crucified today shouldn't we call today "Bad Friday" or even "Kinda Messed Up They Killed Jesus Friday"