@shariv67: Whenever someone says smart phones are turning people into zombies, look up from your phone just long enough to bite them.
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@thepunningman: [superhero meeting] "What's your enemy called?" "Dr Doom. Yours?" "Joker" [stifles laughter] "I HAVE OTHERS" "Ye-" "Penguin" [just loses it]
@HolycrapitsaKat: No thanks "protected account". You can't trick me into following you! For all I know, you could be a vegan.
@dubstep4dads: I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
@omically: a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread