@shariv67: Whenever someone says smart phones are turning people into zombies, look up from your phone just long enough to bite them.
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@Fred_Delicious: *cop bursts into bathroom* "KID DON'T FLUSH THOSE DRUGS!" *toilet is wearing shades* "damn. we're too late" *toilet rides off on motorcycle*
@aka_fatman: Chief: You're the WORST cop in the department! Hand over your gun and badge! Me: *realising I left both in my son's crib* Uhhhhh....
@FunkyFresh_79: [Star Wars Episode VII scene] Princess Leia: I love you Han. Han Solo: *favs but doesn't reply*
@JimmySelfDest: I tripped over the dog a second ago and am hurting a little.Web md has it narrowed down to a sprained uterus or a dislocated cervix. So..