@o__0Dev: Whenever someone says, "that's what she said", I like to reply with, "not to you"
@KizerBillhelm: Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it's your neighbor's window and they're calling the cops?
@Tmoney68: Yeah, I'm allergic to wheat, but I really like it so I eat it anyway. I'm a real gluten for punishment.
@NoTheOtherJohn: Me: This is a beautiful flower arrangement
Host: That's a salad.
@bridger_w: "Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation
@AlisonAgosti: Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli.