@mattingebretson: Whenever someone starts checking their phone when I'm talking to them I like to regain their attention by combing their hair
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@Marcisgoinham: Some nights I stare at the stars wondering if you can see the same ones Then I realize, of course you can, I'm in your backyard
@CornOnTheGoblin: scientist: he's going to be identical to you in every way me: every way? [my clone trips stepping out of the machine] holy shit
@TheTalkingPipe: The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she'll call security.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Can't.. arguing with someone who thinks phone internet and internet internet are two different internets.