@mattZillaaaa: Whenever someone tells me "make yourself at home" at their house, I always clog their toilet
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@IamEnidColeslaw: my signature move is called "the Mouse," where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I think it's adorable when kids lose their teeth, they look like tiny meth addicts.
@ConanOBrien: My two favorite things about Easter morning are (1) hiding the eggs and (2) the looks on my kids' faces when the snakes start to hatch.