@mattZillaaaa: Whenever someone tells me "make yourself at home" at their house, I always clog their toilet
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@Karate_Horse: [karate sign up table] "Ok guys with a ponytail or that are named Vince please form a second line you are the advanced class"
@Ilovelamp1979: This could be the LSD talking, but I'm pretty sure I'd be more comfortable riding on the roof of the car.
@WalkingOutside: I like to pack a healthy lunch for work so that by 3 p.m. I'm ready to do unspeakable things for a piece of chocolate.
@oxygenplug: *you see a bear approaching* "quick play dead!" *bear runs up to you* "OH GOD. WHO DID THIS TO YOU. ANSWER ME. WHO DID THIS TO YOUUUU"