@WilliamAder: Whenever someone tells me they have an IQ of 140, I wonder if that's Fahrenheit or centigrade.
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@FloodyHippie: You don't need to put "narcissist" in your bio. This is twitter, that shit goes without saying.
@Jake_Vig: George Clooney and Brad Pitt fall in love and rob casinos together. #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
@FadeAway2: Ever notice when you need to delete a phone app and you get the icons jiggling? They seem all panicky about who's getting cut from the team
@_coryrichardson: [Dog tennis match] Dog: *throws ball up to serve* *all dogs in the audience simultaneously bolt onto the court*