@RealDMK: Whenever someone with a bumper sticker cuts me off I automatically dislike the cause they support. Right now I'm not too fond of Literacy
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@KimmyMonte: Rejected Pixar Movie Titles: House Float Find My Fish Son Automobile People A Rat Cooked This Ugh, We Gotta Find Another Fish
@juliussharpe: My wife wants to have another kid. That's like seeing light at the end of a tunnel and saying, "I think we better turn around."
@joci2203: Him: How many glasses of wine have you had today? Me: One, but it was in the shape of a giant bottle.