@RealDMK: Whenever someone with a bumper sticker cuts me off I automatically dislike the cause they support. Right now I'm not too fond of Literacy
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@Marlebean: Dear future self, No, you weren't robbed. You left your house like this. Sincerely, You, you dumb slob.
@chrissyteigen: I am so lazy I thought about looking at the super moon and decided 2033 isn't even that far away
@Shock_Monster: Me: That the new iPhone? Him: Yup! The 5S! Me: What's the difference? Him: The C stands for "Cheap" Me: What about the S? Him: "'Spensive"