@SamGrittner: Whenever someone's robbing my house, I pretend I'm robbing it too then I make off with as much of my stuff as possible.
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@WilliamAder: If you want sparkling, sophisticated conversation, catch me early in the month, before I've used up my ten free New York Times articles.
@StaciedeNOLA: If I were a rapper I'd write a lyric like "Get money, make cupcakes. Must be winter 'cuz I be frosting," and my pseudonym would be One-Zee.
@Chumpstring: [grocery store] DAD: [wearing a ski mask] SON: this is so embarrassing MOM: hush- your father gets nervous when we have to buy toilet paper
@TheToddWilliams: [grandma's house] Little Red Riding Hood: Are you going to eat me? Wolf: I just want my hoodie back.