@SamGrittner: Whenever someone's robbing my house, I pretend I'm robbing it too then I make off with as much of my stuff as possible.
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@gerryhallcomedy: A girl named Ruth quit working at our office. I've been referring to the office as "ruthless" since then. People are pissed.
@luckyshirt: I don't eat animals because I object to how poorly they are treated and raised. Which is why I eat well-loved children.