@thesulk: Whenever teachers say 'show your work', just write a bunch of numbers down and hope they're tired that night.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: I always keep at least 6 wigs in my trunk for trips to the grocery store so I can keep going back for samples
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Are hot dogs made from real dogs? Me: Would you eat them if they were? 4: No! Me: 4: Unless I had ketchup.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted Wife: Ya? Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works Her:.. Me: No way a baby's gettin in here.
@MarfSalvador: Boss: I expect total transparency from my staff Trevor: That's not always practic— John the Jellyfish: NO PROBLEM BOSS