@thesulk: Whenever teachers say 'show your work', just write a bunch of numbers down and hope they're tired that night.
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@briangaar: Sorry babe, you knew you were dating a bad boy [shuffles Pokemon cards without the plastic covers]
@kevinrowe1: My wife doesn't mind me flirting with other women. She finds the rejection quite entertaining.
@Epygma: "Do you want to go out on a date?" *sweats nervously* I C-CAN'T "Why?" *shoots friend next to him* I HAVE TO GO TO A FRIEND'S FUNERAL
@rolldiggity: Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you're the valet. 3. Say yes.