@seamussaid: whenever the police put a mannequin in a squad car to slow traffic, I strategically place mannequins around town committing crimes
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@JohnLyonTweets: I've never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
@MrsGoose69: Don't give a women flower, she may have hay fever. Don't give her chocolate, she may be on a diet! Give her wifi so there's no excuse.
@slyoung5: Lady came to front door & asked if I'd donate to new pool they're building for kids. I told her to hang on & came back with a glass of water