@seamussaid: whenever the police put a mannequin in a squad car to slow traffic, I strategically place mannequins around town committing crimes
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@iwearaonesie: wife: That guy is texting and driving! That is so dangerous! me [holding a donut in each hand and steering with my knee]: So dangerous
@bopinklady: Husband is leaning dangerously out of window whilst he cleans it. Only thing stopping me from shoving him out is that he cleans the windows
@iLick_sheDrip: Stop editing ya'll pics. What if you go missing? how you expect us to find you if you look like beyonce on facebook & chief keef in person.