@kendracomedy: Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper "I'm seeing someone"
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@DadandBuried: You'll never know how creative you really are until you need to start lying to your kids.
@blaudiablogan: Guy asked me where I got my green eyes. Great! Now I have to explain what the Vikings did when they got to Sicily.
@T_N_Crumpets: Me: [bursts into wife's meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED! Wife: Dave, I'm at wo- Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7