@kendracomedy: Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper "I'm seeing someone"
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@_davidlucas_: *Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter* Her: Did you want to buy that? Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while.
@Hormonella: SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! CAT! SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! MAILMAN! SQUIRREL! ~ Dog Acing Rorschach Test
@michaelianblack: Got to admire these NFL players who are so committed to their jobs of beating the shit out of people that they do it even in their off time.