@OfficeofSteve: Whenever the wife asks what I'm eating. I chew faster like a dog and refuse to open my mouth
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@roxiqt: [Someone is rude to me] ME: "Oh well." [Someone is rude to my friend] ME: *frantically googling for spells that turn people into crabs*
@tpurvis06: Just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 min., thought "damn so easily entertained" then realized I watched a dog chase his tail for 10 min.