@OfficeofSteve: Whenever the wife asks what I'm eating. I chew faster like a dog and refuse to open my mouth
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@heroinsdemise: Women's magazines: 20 pages "accept yourself" 40 pages "loose 30kgs in 4 weeks" And Cake recipes..
@orange_rhymer: [robbing bank] leader: go in & grab everything you can *i go in to grab loot* Me: (yanking pen chain, increasingly panicked) no no No NO NO-
@SteveKoehler22: Turkeys are crazy. They hunch down and freeze in groups in grocery store coolers to elude hunters. Must be a safety in numbers thing.