@weinerdog4life: Whenever you ride an elevator with other people, it's best not to mention your imaginary friends even if someone is standing on Carl.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sween: If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time to just before a famous person was supposed to be assassinated and borrow money from them.
@phalguy: [At dentist] Dentist: Any plans for the weekend? Nnooiddtrrreeeskllyggfff Dentist: I'm not doing anything either.
@Prof_Hinkley: [commercial for tupperware] Are you done with that food, but would rather throw it away in 3 weeks rather than right now? - Tupperware