@weinerdog4life: Whenever you ride an elevator with other people, it's best not to mention your imaginary friends even if someone is standing on Carl.
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@BlindChow: [drunk w/ 2 kittens at a bar] give me another "haven't u had enough?" i'll tell u when i've had enough! *bartender hands me another kitten*
@TheAlexNevil: 5: I want to learn drums. Me: Ok, but you have to walk them, feed them, and pick up their poop. *confused, 5 walks away I am the master.
@PwrFulWmn: You attract more men when you smell like butter, sautéed ham and onions than any expensive perfume.