@myles_morrison: Whenever your girlfriend tells you she's on her period remember not to say things like "that explains it."
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@Marlebean: Dear future self, No, you weren't robbed. You left your house like this. Sincerely, You, you dumb slob.
@1Happytwit: Kids don't scare me cause their little arms aren't strong enough to swing a chainsaw.
@PerfectPending: Please do not compare your dog problems to parenting. Your dog cannot say your name 3,258 times in a day.
@robdelaney: Walter White should get a monument & every healthcare exec should receive the sentence for his crimes. They made him.