@myles_morrison: Whenever your girlfriend tells you she's on her period remember not to say things like "that explains it."
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@TheToddWilliams: Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won't fix... Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn
@firebrand3: I was informed last week that "cheat day" does not mean what I thought it did. In related news: Baby, sit down. I have to tell you somethin
@BackrowSeats: Burger King's slogan "Have It Your Way" was shortened from "Are You Sure You Wanna Eat This? Ok. Have It Your Way".
@24HourBitching: Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...