@myles_morrison: Whenever your girlfriend tells you she's on her period remember not to say things like "that explains it."
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@CornOnTheGoblin: cause baby now we've got baaathtubs you know we soaking in maaad suds so take a loofah for baaack scrubs cause baby now we baaathtubs [hey!]
@2tickytacky: If mobile wallets do away with credit cards, they'll need to come up with an app that can scrape my windshield.
@Perfect_Beanis: in 2001 i was in a coma dying from meningitis and someone played "in the end" by linkin park and i woke up to tell them to turn it off
@cambuslad: Wife just shouted to me to get my big chopper out .After the panic subsided, I realised she meant we were out of firewood for the stove.