@myles_morrison: Whenever your girlfriend tells you she's on her period remember not to say things like "that explains it."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@danagould: I was having a political fight with someone on Twitter while my dog was out back barking at the wind. Then we switched.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [1st night w/Russian bride] "take yr panties off" [smaller panties underneath] "them too" [even smaller panties underneath] "damnit..."
@Contwixt: Any ghost sophisticated enough to haunt a hotel is going to find the 13th floor whether you have an elevator button for it or not.