@NervousJr: Whenever you're feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there's people that pay money to exercise.
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@thatdutchperson: [Stares deeply into date's eyes before going to the bathroom] "I've counted these fries."
@dave_cactus: [at Red Lobster] WAITRESSES: *run toward me* ME: Red Lobster! WAITRESSES: *stop* ME: Green Lobster! WAITRESSES: *run* MANAGER: Okay, SIR...
@Topher_Writes: It's a bird. It's a plane. No its... "Steve, you're fired. Air traffic control just isn't for you."