@Manda_like_wine: Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag.
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@StinkyGr33n: [Movie pitch in Hollywood] A mythical creature who likes to dance moves to a small town where dancing's illegal. We'll call it BigfootLoose
@AdderallMomma: I've been contemplating legally changing my name to 'An End', so that all good things must come to me.
@JohnLyonTweets: Friend: What time is it? Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away) Friend: Well? Me: Well what?