@Manda_like_wine: Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag.
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@sadvil: Mark Zuckerberg running for office is a terr… [Mark appears in window holding transcript of any of my convos with a girl in 2009] …ific idea
@notalogin: How would you describe your past work? [Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar] -Change management.
@brennadine: It's my favorite time of year, the time when everyone puts their clothes back on and goes inside.
@daemonic3: Her: *puts cherry stem in mouth *pulls it out with a knot *winks Him: *puts earbuds in pocket *pulls it out with 5 knots *doesn't get laid