@jwoodham: Whenever you're mad at someone, just take a deep breath and count to 10. Those 10 seconds will give you time to think of the perfect insult.
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@LifeStricken: [Job Interview] HR : What do you consider your biggest weakness? Me : (pulls out machete) *whispers under my breath "I can't forgive people"
@underchilde: I haven’t smoked in years, but I still carry a lighter around in case I’m ever in the mood to set someone on fire.
@LaBelleMae: Here in Canada, we leave everything unlocked so that burglars don't risk getting glass in their hand when they punch through our windows.