@jwoodham: Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
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@BruceForce: I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they're hatching some kind of evil plan.
@kellyoxford: Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer.
@Vice_Queen: So your face, is it permanently like that or are you genuinely surprised every time you take a selfie?
@DanMentos: "Mom guess what I'm getting married!!!" Is he rich? "I think so. His name is Charles Mansion"