@joshcomers: "Where do you see yourself in 5 lives?" (Dalai Lama job interview)
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@AlanHungover: No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don't Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
@pleatedjeans: [sees kid crying in grocery store] hey little guy [kneels down to his level] Can you please move you're blocking the Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
@garrydavenport: The "eye for an eye" philosophy isn't exactly a level playing field if your grievance is with a cyclops.