@robfee: Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages w all the neighbors that Kevin was abandoned & alone? Thanks Obama.
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@simoncholland: Dad, the Easter Bunny should know that I don't like Rolos but he puts them in my basket every year. Me: (eating a Rolo) Yeah, that's weird.
@Brampersandon_: [2 friends fighting at Denny's] Chicken: *gritting teeth* I'll have the bacon Pig: *staring down the chicken* And I'll be having the EGGS!
@DamonHunzeker: The best way to avoid awkward moments with homeless people is to ask them for money before they ask you.