@robfee: Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages with all the neighbors that Kevin was home alone? Thanks Obama.
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@robfee: The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he's famous, then they'll be his friend.
@JoyceCarolTotes: Sorry I got kicked out of the auditorium for yelling GET A TOMB YOU TWO during your little brother's 9th grade production of Romeo & Juliet.
@MyHairyLife: If you take longer than 10 seconds at the hand dryer, I will wipe my hands on the back of your shirt.
@pixelatedboat: Doctors recommend that you drink 8 glasses of water a day and don't fall out of a helicopter