@ddsmidt: When someone reads your message, then never responds, it's just hurtful. I mean, what else could they possibly have going on at 3 AM?

@SethGoodtime: I dinated blood today. I have typo blood.

@HollyHeals: I'm doing it doggy style today. Lying on the couch not doing a damn thing. I will bark if you knock on the door.

@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: I'm such a nerd! I love when a guy talks sciency HIM: Oh haha [to waiter] A salad with umm *sweating* kilo-island dressing

@heatherlou_: I almost confused a laxative and Ibuprofen and that would have changed my plans for the evening significantly