@corintellectual: which auto response should i send back to my dentist?
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@slimmy_shady: Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!
@PleaseBeGneiss: WIFE: *holding pregnancy test* well this is unexpected ME: *rubbing wife’s tummy* can we discuss a different name?
@Smooheed: According to HR, the boss can come into my office eating a kebab when I've only had an apple for lunch but I can't throw my chair at him