@Lola_Areola: Which herbal tea goes best with heroin?
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@JamieGreenlees: I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
@rhysjamesy: Hey to all the girls with more than one person in their picture you're making this VERY DIFFICULT.
@JCautomatic: [Dentist's] Me: *lying back with mouth full of cotton wool* Dentist: So what do you do? Equipment trolley 3ft away: I'm a ventriloquist
@itsrealTED: "I need a boyfriend" No, you WANT a boyfriend. You NEED water, cause you sound thirsty.