@Maui_Speaks: Which one of you eggs is my employer?
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@KeetPotato: GF: "you're so childish" me: "it's my day too linda" [we sit in silence] wedding planner: "so is that a yes or a no on the bouncy castle?"
@bidenandobama: Biden: why can't I log into my twitter what's everyone talking about today Obama:
@TheGladStork: Work tip: if you're going to ask your boss if you can "work from home", don't use air quotes.
@InternetHippo: SCIENTISTS: We've discovered a massive black hole with no obvious qualities ME: Ok wow I'm right here