@omgthatspunny: Which US state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda
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@philco816: Mob Boss: I need you to smoke this guy. Me: Ok, that takes 8-12 hours for a turkey though. Mb: I don't care just get it done.
@FlyJ_: Him: *down on one knee* Will you marry me? Me: Nah, I'm good, but... (puts up hand up to high five) thanks for asking!
@DaHess1: Her: What's your fantasy? Me: Movie theaters that charge kids 3 and under $500 per ticket.
@Nikkeya08: My husband just got to level three on netflix: "faking an illness" to finish binge watching I'm on level 6: "faking your own abduction"