@omgthatspunny: Which US state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda
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@brokeymcpoverty: reasons white people riot: 1. their sports team wins 2. their sports team loses 3. no more tickle me elmos 4. tea 5. pumpkins
@DonQuickoats: The best way to respond to a limp handshake is to tickle their palm with your middle finger
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Did you use my highlighter? 2-year-old: Me: 2: Me: 2: No. Apparently she’s always been neon yellow.