@thesulk: "Which would you like, a piano or a motorcycle?" "Yes." (Yamaha)
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@Donnie_Fairburn: 911: What's your emergency? Me: I brought a girl home last night 911: That's not an- Me: NOW SHE WON'T LEAVE! *swat team busts down my door*
@GoldenSpirals: Humans will not be fully evolved until everyone achieves the ability to maintain a constant speed while driving.
@dave_cactus: BOSS: Welcome aboard! This is the time clock— ME: All clocks are 'time' clocks, you simpleton.