@robfee: While a gun does make for a cool weapon on The Walking Dead, the most effective defense against the zombies is probably lightly jogging?
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@ficklenuts: Adulthood is almost as fun as a piñata full of wasps
@bighandsmassuer: People often ask me why I'm single and how surprised they are Then after speaking to me for 15 mins they say they can understand why I am
@noog: *playing Mortal Kombat* Her: Can I try? Me: Sure. Her: Which one of them shoots that Handookie thingie? Me: Hadouken? Her: Yea. Me: Leave.
@markedly: BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges w/ ur debit card ME: How'd you know it wasn't me B: They entered the PIN correctly 1st try M: Dear god
@Leemanish: "You know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby. You gonna DIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!! ...Only Kidding! Welcome to Red Lobster, party of 2?"
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