@WilliamAder: While I fully intended to "sleep my way to the top," it appears I've napped my way to the middle.
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@aka_fatman: "I have a hard time with faces. One time I mistook a wolf for my dead grandmother LOL!" - Little Red Riding Hood, talking to a coat rack.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old loves wrestling with the family. He's Hulk Hogan, I'm The Rock and our 1 year old is the folding chair.
@Kyle_Lippert: If you feed your kitten Muscle Milk it will become a tiger in as little as 90 days or you get your money back.
@IronballsMcGinT: A man was arrested for publicly exposing himself to the "wrong person," which implies somewhere out there the right person is waiting.