@WilliamAder: While I fully intended to "sleep my way to the top," it appears I've napped my way to the middle.
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@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: When speaking to children I always end every sentence with "...or else you'll die. " - I find this to be an excellent motivational tool.
@funnyordie: When it comes to Pope vs. Trump, do you take the side of the guy who wears that ridiculous thing on his head or the Pope?
@Schmoodles: You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.