@kelkulus: While it may be physically possible to have a baby after 40, forty children are probably enough.
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@JB4Realz: [PHONE] "TSA, How can I help you?" Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List?!" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"
@DosieDoe: US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today.
@RocketRankoon: *swivels around in evil chair* *evil laugh* *pets evil cat* *evil cat laughs* *jumps out of evil chair* "Holy shit, that cat just laughed!"
@KKAlThani: I bet whenever a cow eats a lot of grass she says to her friends "I've been eating like a cow!" and they'd laugh and moo or whatever cows do