@OhNoSheTwitnt: While it's true that gay marriage doesn't nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it's not your birthday anymore.
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@Dorkstress: Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!!
@lyric_intent: The most awkward part of being the first person to write something down, was then explaining to everyone that they were now illiterate
@That_Damn_Duck: You block or unfollow me because I follow or retweet someone you don’t like. Kindergarten called & said you left your maturity level there.
@SergioValenCo: What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality? *gets arrested*