@OhNoSheTwitnt: While it's true that gay marriage doesn't nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it's not your birthday anymore.
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@stevevsninjas: everybody's a toughguy until they have to use a screwdriver overhead for two minutes
@KenJennings: Landlocked countries with beach volleyball teams: who do you think you're fooling?
@KalvinMacleod: ME: u know what they say, drink with one eye open WIFE: they don’t say that, you’re drunk ME: *closes other eye* it is very dark in here