@OhNoSheTwitnt: While it's true that gay marriage doesn't nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it's not your birthday anymore.
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@DaddyJew: Peter Pan is my favorite story about how running away from all your problems will allow you to remain youthful and to possibly fly someday
@cray_at_home_ma: I tucked my kids in last night and said, "See you in the morning!" and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise.
@Mr_Kapowski: *Boss approaches desk* "What the fu.." Me, wearing paper clip necklace - "See? I knew you'd be mad so I made you one too"