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@delusions_of: While you were reading this Michael Bay just made five more "Transformer" movies.
@Matt_The_1st: For the love of God, what is Jesus saving? Is it coupons? I bet it's coupons
@bornmiserable: "So how did you two meet?"
@MomofTeen: If having a social media account makes you a journalist, changing a lightbulb makes me an electrician.
@HiddleDeeDee: Eight hours into this family road trip I realized my lifelong vow to avoid illegal drugs was stupid.
@Brampersandon_: NURSE: do you have any allergies
ME: burnt bread
NURSE: you're allergic to burnt bread?
ME: yes I'm black toast intolerant