@samalmightysam: While you're thinking what to wear, I'm thinking how to take it off.
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@Tmoney68: At some point, a guy looked at an onion that was clearly purple & called it red. AND WE'RE JUST SITTING HERE LETTING IT HAPPEN.
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why is the moon following us around? Me: I probably owe it money like everyone else on the planet
@Lisa_Laughs_: He shouldn't have died so young, but he also shouldn't have cut the grass at 7:30 am on a Sunday. (I'm writing my neighbors obituary)
@pleatedjeans: I'll never forget my 8th grade teacher. She was a 12-foot snake monster. Had 4 heads. Ate 7 desks. Killed a kid. Really made an impression.