@JermHimselfish: Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do.
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@OutOnTheMoors: "Suddenly, my hair collapsed." - And I started to regret offering to edit my friend's first novel.
@simoncholland: You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this pre-school.
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: Are you gonna wear that to the cookout? Oh... *reaches under mesh shirt* *takes off nipple ring* Better?