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@JoePerticone: *whispers* hail hydra
@shut_uup: Yeah I pee in the shower, but not while I'm in it
@mydanimarie: Guns don't kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
@TheGoodGodAbove: Sorry for letting bad things happen to good people all these years.
@Carbosly: [in a bar]
Him: Trouble is my middle name.
Me: wow... That's a stupid middle name. You must hate your parents.
Him: *breaks down crying
@AngelaEhh: Looking for a +1 for my wedding.