@CornOnTheGoblin: [whispers to you at my own funeral] ok don't freak out
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@SCbchbum: I doubt anyone’s actually “dying” from seeing a cute baby picture on FB, but we can always dream.
@taylortomlinson: I like horror movies because it's the only place insanely hot people are treated poorly
@ArfMeasures: [Bar] SEXY GIRL: Wanna go back to my house? ME: That's ok, thanks, I have my own house [3 days later] ME: [spits out coffee] DAMN IT
@NoogsCorner: Curiosity should start overthrowing the local government and drilling for oil any minute now.