@DaddyJew: *whispers "we should run away together" while petting the neighbor's dog*
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@juneohara65: 5 year old niece to me: What do you want to be when you grow up? Me: Let's not rush things, OK?
@Book_Krazy: *Makes bacon *Eats one piece *2 pieces *3 pieces *Eats all the bacon *Hides the evidence 9: Yummm! What's that smell? Me: Cereal
@warmyellowlight: me: *buys condoms, tampons, lice shampoo, adult diapers, yeast infection cream, an enema and a pregnancy test* cashier: would u like a bag
@Lowenaffchen: Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead