@samfromks: White smoke from under my hood means either my starter went out or my car has elected a new Pope.
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@MarfSalvador: [being buried alive] murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
@Mikel_Jollett: Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.