@pixelatedboat: Who are you going to trust, some real doctor who says it's impossible to make you a centaur, or me, the guy with a hacksaw and half a horse?
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@ruinedpicnic: [checks window] [locks door] [starts to tweet] shrek was a d- [FBI agents burst into the room and leap on me] shrEK WAS A DOC UMENTArY
@Reverend_Scott: [dies and goes to Heaven] GOD: Hello, welcome to- ME: WHERE ARE ALL MY DOGS? GOD: Right this way.
@ramblinma: I'm not saying I want a divorce, it's just that sometimes 50% custody sounds pretty appealing.