@TheNewsAtGlenn: Who blons a dumb de now, eh? WHO BLONS A DUMB DE NOW?
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@Black__Elvis: My boss told me if I kept showing up late he'd give me a pink slip and I was like, how does he know about my tastes in women's underwear?
@stevevsninjas: Shout out to countless marine organisms who died, accreted on the seafloor, and compacted for eons so I could drive my Escalade to Kmart.
@pleatedjeans: Let the bodies hit the floor? Ok but first let me put down some plastic this is new carpet I don't want to ruin it my mom will be pissed
@NicestHippo: "Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?" - podium salesman