@ericsshadow: Who called it a "backpack" and not, "the sexiest way to deliver bees to an ex."
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@kelkulus: My iPhone corrects "WHOA" to "WHOSE", which just made my text response to "I JUST HAD A BABY!!!" a little awkward.
@Shingaboop: Coworker: GOOD MORNING! Me: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee Coworker: But you don't drink coffee Me: Exactly
@Laser_Cat: [interview] So what's a personal strength? "Honesty." And a failing? "I murder people who don't hire me."
@BourbonLuv: That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow...