@ericsshadow: Who called it a "backpack" and not, "the sexiest way to deliver bees to an ex."
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@SwedishCanary: Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across America join together to raise the country's obesity statistics.
@holymolynicole: My ex didn't realize 'cheat day' only meant he could eat whatever FOOD he wanted.
@Aspersioncast: My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.