@tehaveragejoel: who called it a dinosaur rap battle instead of a reptile diss function
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@SEvans_author: Boss: I'm sorry but you're fired Me: But I've poured my blood, sweat, & tears into my work! Boss: Exactly. Cupcake sales are down 75%
@Shock_Monster: Me: That the new iPhone? Him: Yup! The 5S! Me: What's the difference? Him: The C stands for "Cheap" Me: What about the S? Him: "'Spensive"
@tastefactory: I accidentally heated my Hot Pocket for 20:00 instead of 2:00 and now there's a giant radioactive Hot Pocket in my apartment watching my tv