@markydoodoo: Who called it a one night stand and not a humpty dumpty?
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@CulturedRuffian: *at the gym* Trainor: Have a donut. Me: Wow! Sure! T: Here's some pizza. M: What kind of trainer are you? T: I'm a Megan Trainor.
@MarcusTheToken: Whenever I'm on a flight and a bald person sits next to me, it takes a ton of willpower not to draw on their head when they are sleep.
@tastefactory: "It's gonna taste really good." - excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You're Expecting Pizza